Updated: Nov 13, 2020
How are you "Being" today?
This blog aims to introduce myself by telling you a little bit about how my transformational change took place.
What else has to happen in your life for you to choose to end suffering and take the courage to change?
Learning to ask myself one useful question at a time is precisely how my change came about. I was delighted when I found out that I was having a baby girl.
My belief about how having a child would allow me to re-live my life the way I want was reinforced. Her presence forced me to be present when the "baby blues" hit me right after she was born.
The post-natal depression went on for a while. I became hyper-reactive, extremely irritable, anxious, and burnt-out. This led to stress when I returned to work part-time while also studying and mothering.
The thought of missing out on enjoying time with my daughter suddenly made me aware of how unhappy I felt even though everything else seemed well on the outside. For the first time in my life, I became conscious of my Being (self-awareness) and was curious about myself. I asked myself:
"What do I Want?" and replied, "to be Happy."
"What is Happiness, and what is it like to be Happy?"
My Experience with CBC and CBT
This curiosity and my savviness led me to self-help. This is how I discovered Cognitive Behavioural Coaching (CBC) and Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) (CBC & CBT are different) alongside some medication. I was so desperate to find answers that I was willing to try it all.
My therapy sessions went on for a very short period because I had already started to coach myself using CBC. This also made my therapy sessions more effective because I already knew what it was like to have my PAWS (Psychology Responsibility, Action Ready, Willingness to Change, and provide Support & Care for myself). After my therapy ended, I have since continued to use CBC on myself daily to manage situations effectively.
What I discovered was mind-blowing.
A Long-term habit of "thinking Errors" (Unhealthy, useless, ACTs [Anxiety Creating Thoughts])
What makes us Human Beings (The acceptance of Self as a Human Being)
What Being Human is like (The recognition of Human Beings as Fallible)
These three transformational life-change discoveries have been used to end suffering. Not just for myself but with family, friends & my clients in empowering them to make healthier life choices.
Self - Coaching
Through self-coaching, I learned that what makes us human beings is our doing. It is our complicated doing (thoughts, feelings, and actions) and experience of our existence in ensuring our survival.
All our doings are directed and coordinated by our brains. Using self-coaching, I discovered:
1. The Power to BE (BEING): Using a fully developed adult brain and #Neuroplasticity. I had the power to find the neutral pathway between my emotional & thinking brain. I developed the skills to think on purpose and change the unhelpful thoughts I did not want.
I learned to challenge my thoughts in creating the feelings I wanted. At first, this was not easy. However, through lots of studies, perseverance, and consistently practising mindfulness and meditation, I was able to find acceptance (State of Being). I was also able to strengthen my mind to stay focused in the present with loved ones and manage my doings (thoughts, feelings & actions). The balancing of your BEING & DOING is a continuous self-management process.
2. Growth Mindset: My daughter has been my best teacher so far. I learn and observe her as her mind develops from a clean slate (tabula rasa) to creating her own beliefs about what she would like to become or be doing.
She has inspired me to be open-minded. Being youthful at heart helps us grow. I intend to ensure that she retains her natural skills of presence and curiosity in helping her raise her self-awareness. I also want to strengthen her emotional intelligence while cultivating her mind on a daily basis in creating a healthy and fulfilling life. This is the same path I am now following.
3. HERBS: Finally, self-coaching helped me find my own HERBS through the means of developing my skills to balance my “Being” and “Doing.” HERBS stands for:
Self - Sufficiency
This has helped me create a healthy and liberated reality. I nourish my relationships with my daughter, husband, and other family and friends, as I continue to expand my social network and achieve a positive work-life balance.
I have learned and developed the ability to "BE" and to let others "BE." Also, I have learned the skills to silence unhealthy thoughts and disengage from them while letting go of control & letting other people "DO" (think for themselves and take psychological responsibility). As a result, I am consciously making helpful and productive decisions for myself, and living and achieving (State of Doing) in a less distressing way as well as being open to support others.
My Intention to Give
I developed the courage to take on the challenge of finding my happiness by identifying things within and outside my control. I started anew and let go of all my doings by going back to the basics (The way of Being). This process helped me to understand myself and the world as well as strengthening the bond between my mind, emotion, and body.
My instant reaction in seeing the benefits of a self-coach was:
"Why didn't anyone tell me about this earlier in my life?"
On that note, I made a conscious decision to support and bring self-coaching awareness to individuals, especially young adults. I intend to use this blog to share my knowledge, experience, in balancing my BEING & DOING. As well as my journey as a human being playing different roles while experiencing the uncertainty of what being human is.
In using my vitality and drive to achieve, I further studied to become a certified coach. This has led me to my journey and courageous goal of being an effective coach, and launching my coaching practice 'THINK MIND & EMOTIONAL NURTURING.' The aim is to empower young people in caring for their thoughts and feelings. Help them become their own coaches in discovering their HERBS & leading healthy and more fulfilling lives.
I hope you will join me on this journey to learn what makes us Human Beings and what being human is like. Together, we can use these discoveries to uncover the secret to living life to the fullest while feeling liberated.